Love Languages - Do They really work?
So I have been asked recently, how do Love Languages work? What are they? I've had clients come to me and actually tell me that they used one of all of the love languages and the person they wanted to be with, still left them for someone else. So there is a lot of myth but also a lot of truths in the love language. Essentially we are spiritual beings and we are able to express love through our energy. However, I do believe that because we are on different levels of consciousness that sometimes, despite what we use or say or do, it may not be enough. This has nothing to do with you but rather where the other person is in their own healing and spiritual journeys. If the person who you are using a love language on, has been hurt and immediately is seeking another relationship to fill a void or empty space then the chances are, this relationship will fail.
So what are love languages? The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, in the book he outlines and draws what he feels works from his own personal experiences and linguistics, however, the issue with this is again, that these are his own experiences and everyone may be at a different way of expressing their love.
Let's take a deeper look the love languages. The first one is words of affirmations, using loving ways to verbalize how you feel and show affection towards the other person. You could use words like I love you, you are beautiful, You look great, and etc. So as you see even compliments go a long way and the concept behind this love language is that you make someone feel loved, appreciated or help them with their self esteem. The issue with this love language is that if you are in a relationship with a narcissist or someone who stonewalls you, this technique will not work. If you are in a relationship with someone who has body issues or eating disorders and lacks confidence, this may boost their feelings of self worth for a while, but it's like putting a bandaid on something and it's not permanent. When the charm wears off, if the person has not healed or has not taken accountability or even willing to do so, they will think you are lying or continue to see what they truly want to see. A person who has not done the inner work or refuses to do so, is speaking another language and may not be able to fully absorb the love you are showing. Should you not use this technique? No but I do believe that on a spiritual level, the person has to be willing to see and heal themselves through reiki or closing old wounds in order for that love language to really have an impact.
The second love language is Quality time, giving that person your undivided attention. This means making time after work perhaps or in the evening and avoiding distractions. Now this may be easy for some but if you are in a relationship and have children they will come before any intimacy or quality time for the both of you. In addition we live in a society where we have become addicted to our phones. Our relationship with technology and seeking validation through it, can overshadow the beauty that this love language. Some people can love you and use this but they will be on their phone during a movie or perhaps you are both having a romantic dinner date and your date is on their phone and never makes eye contact. This will NOT work!! I see too many people when I'm on business travel or in a fine restaurant or even in shops, many are glued to their phone. The other person is talking and the person is immersed fully in their phone. So if you find yourself doing this, you are never going to make this love language work. We are living in a society where we have become disconnected. I do believe in my heart of hearts that this potentially could be one, that would work perhaps if we were in the 80's and 90's when technology was not so prevalent or with our baby boomer generation and older generations. They are not as glued to technology at times, however, we are seeing a large part of their population emulating what generation Z is doing.
The next love language is Acts of services, such as doing something nice for the other person, reading between the lines and having a intuitive knowingness of their needs. You may decide to make breakfast in bed for them, clean the house or cook for them because you know they do it all the time. This is something that you don't have to ask them if they would like it but do it. This is one powerful love language that I actually could work. However, just with the other love languages, sometimes people who have their own way of doing things may be controlling and not like how you prepared something or if you cleaned the h